i want that sushi!!

I was craving for sushi yesterday but I didn't buy some. I knew that I really liked it and I was pretty determined to eat sushi yesterday just before we left the house in the afternoon.

I was thinking of going to Dad's (Dad's eat-all-you-can, SM Megamall) and eat all the sushi and the delectable desserts that I want on Saturday. For just P450, I could eat all the delicious sushi and even get to eat lots of extras. I know in my heart that I would absolutely love that. My girlfriend didn't want to go there at first because she thought it was too expensive and worried that we might not be able to eat what our money's worth. I convinced her on it and then when she finally said yes, I was the one who's backing out on it. I thought that it would be expensive and then told myself that I shouldn't be eating all I want because I'm, in fact, on a diet. Dammit, dammit, dammit!


I hate this part of me that holds back on something that I really want to do. I'm always afraid to take a step to my goal. I knew that I want it but there would always be that part in my mind that would tell me about the restrictions,
limitations and conseqences of what I wanted to do. May it be eating my favorite food or buying the clothes that I want... it's difficult for me to do so. It's like I'm almost afraid to indulge myself into something, fearing that something bad may happen in return.

Maybe I don't like regrets. I don't want to tell myself that I wished I didn't do that. Still, it's not good. I KNOW it's not good! It's not helping me at all and I just end up sad and frustrated because I didn't grab the opportunity when it passed by me.

However, I guess it's different with some things. I wanted to learn Japanese and now, I have learned Hiragana, Katakana and abot 30 Kanji characters in about 2 weeks. I thought it was difficult but I was able to get to it. I wanted to go to Korea as an exchange student before and although I knew that there could be consequences, I took it.

Maybe I'm just sensitive with time and money... or even feelings. I'm afraid to waste those two irreplacable and hard to earn elements in life. I think I have to take care in how would I spend those elements, trying hard not to waste them in the process.

So for Christmas, I'm now debating on getting a PSP for myself, getting a refrigerator or spending the money on other people's presents.

???